How Can I Be A Lima Loser When I Slay Vampires?
by outofplace.underdressed
Summary: Tina becomes a vampire slayer and works with The Scoobies, as well as the of the Gleeks. I haven't read the comics, so I'll stick to the series.   Rated M for swearing. NOT sexy stuff
1. Chapter 1

Anything you recognize belongs to Joss Whedon or Ryan Murphy respectively.

Tina waited for Mr. Schuester to get to the choir room, absent-mindedly twirling a blue strand of her hair between her fingertips. She was watching the door, but not really paying attention to it, or anything else, really. She sighed and kept twirling the hair. A voice next to her became apparent and she turned to see what the commotion was. It seemed, that while she'd been daydreaming, the choir room had filled up, and now everyone was there except Santana and Brittany. She rolled her eyes. When had those two been early –scratch that- on time to anything?

Mr Schue hurried through the door, looking frazzled. He'd probably had some sort of unbelievable run-in with Coach Sylvester, or let his conversation run-on a little with Miss Pillsbury. Rachel perked up when he walked in, she had been talking quietly with Finn about something, no doubt another duet they would sing together, and she was probably going to announce it to the whole, uncaring club right then.

Tina blinked. Usually her thoughts weren't so… angry. She wasn't the type to think about unicorns and bears eating honey, but she wasn't usually so dark. She'd been feeling strange all morning, and she'd been putting it down to lack of sleep. Or at least she would have, had she not fallen asleep at eight the previous night and woken already late for school that morning.

She sighed and felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Mike, her boyfriend reaching out behind her. She motioned for him to sit next to her, and he obliged. They sat for another ten minutes, as Mr Schue argued with Rachel about solos, and then announced that they would be singing the song they'd practiced all week for, Last Friday Night, by Katy Perry.

Remembering that Tina had sung I Kissed a Girl for her Audition, Mr Schue gave Tina a fairly large part, compared to what she normally got.

"Now, I realise we are a couple people short," he said, obviously gesturing towards Santana and Brittany, who had still not arrived, "but, their parts aren't really that big, and I think I can pick up their lines to keep you guys on time." He winked, realising that the entire glee club had erupted into sniggers.

The music began, and they each sung in turn, Tina waiting for her turn.

_Last Friday night_

_We went streaking in the park_

_Skinny dipping in the dark_

_Then had a menage a trois_

Last Friday night

_Yeah I think we bro-_

Tina stopped singing abruptly, as she felt a strange sensation envelope her body. She tingled all over, and stumbled, causing her glee friends to rush to her side. Her body very nearly hit the ground, but both Mike and Finn put hands out to catch her. They slid her down so she was lying on the ground, Mr Schue placing his rolled up jacket under her head. They watched as she went from looking awful to looking perfectly fine. She grinned at the friends that had rushed to her aide, and glanced at the door as Santana and Brittany rushed in, looking pink-faced, probably from the raging wind outside. They saw Tina on the ground and Brittany rushed to the big group of gleeks, pulling Santana closer by their entwined pinkies.

"Oh my god! Tina, are you okay?" Brittany said, looking down at Tina. Her ponytail swung by the side of her face and she tried to flick it away with sharp jerks of her head. She looked so silly, Tina couldn't help but to laugh.

"I'm fine!" she managed out, trying to sit up, but realising that Mike was holding her down.

"Tina, we're going to the nurse," he said, nodding at Mr Schue, who helped them both up and walked them both to the nurse's office, even though Tina kept insisting that she was fine.

"What was _that _all about?" Finn asked, looking at Rachel questioningly, who returned his glance with worry. She was supposed to be the most uncaring of the group, the one that would have pushed everyone back to practicing before Tina had even left the ground. But she felt a strange connection to Tina, like she was supposed to be there for her.

"Do you reckon she's pregnant?" Santana asked, interrupting Rachel's thoughts. "Quinn stumbled and nearly fell all the time when she was preggers." She shrugged the look that Quinn gave her off, knowing that she was just stating an actual possibility, not trying to be mean for once.

"Have they even…" Artie paused, his feelings that he still felt for Tina showing through, just a little. "Well, you know."

"Bumped uglies?" Puck said with a snigger. Artie rolled his eyes at Mercedes.

"She's probably just coming down with the flu or something, guys." She said, raising her eyebrows at Santana, "Let's not jump to conclusions." Santana raised her hands in defence.

"I wasn't trying to start shit," she said, "I was just sayin' she might've been. Its not like its impossible." She said with a pointed glance at Quinn who was looking at Sam. "They could be having hot Asian sex every time they leave the school, and we wouldn't know. Just sayin'," she said again, and the room was quiet as they all considered the theory. Well, nearly all.

"She's on the pill," Kurt said quietly. "Their parents' would _so_ not approve if she got pregnant before marriage." That left the room in silence, and they considered what else could have caused the collapse.

"Mercedes is probably right, guys," said Rachel, "She's probably just getting sick, or something." She looked genuinely worried, which surprised some gleeks.

The choir room door opened behind them, and they all turned around expectantly. Tina skipped through, looking better than she ever had, and she was absolutely beaming. Mike and Mr Schue trailed through a second after her, looking pleased that she was fine.

"What happened?" Santana asked, throwing a glance around the room. No one was surprised she was first to ask, except the three that had just entered.

"Nothing happened! I'm fine, and the nurse has no idea what caused the collapse, but I feel amazing! Let's get on with this song while I've got the energy!" she beamed at Mr Schue, who nodded at the band. Music started playing and the gleeks joined to sing.

The rest of the day played out fine for Tina. She aced the test for history, learned a few new words in Spanish, and solved one of those intimidating-ly long problems in math, winning herself a few Asian stereotype jokes.

She went to Mike's after school, and stayed for dinner. His parents loved her, and she was in such a good mood that day that they couldn't resist asking her to stay for dinner. After they'd eaten, Tina announced that she should get home. Mike's father moved to get the car keys, but she stopped him.

"It's okay, sir. I think I wanna walk." She said with a smile. He blinked and sat back down, waving from the table as she moved on to give Mrs Chang a hug and motioned for Mike to walk her out. He obliged and gave her a kiss at the sidewalk.

"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" He said, "or I could walk with you?" She shook her head as he spoke, and she stood on her toes for another kiss. Mike pushed his lips to hers gently and embraced her tightly, breaking the kiss and turning it into a hug.

"Love you." He whispered in her ear. She whispered it back and turned, walking down the street.

She skipped every few steps, wondering what it was inside that had made her feel so awesome. She got to the park that was halfway between hers and Mike's houses, and shivered, she looked around and didn't see anyone, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. She hurried her pace, but the feeling intensified until she felt she might explode. She took a blow from behind and fell to the ground, but even with as much pain she was feeling, she realised that she should have been feeling much worse. She looked up at her attacker and winced as her eyes quickly raked over its face. It's skin was rumpled between its yellow eyes, giving it a serpentine-like appearance and it had its teeth bared at her, showing off fangs that could rip through skin. She shuddered and looked around for a weapon, her eyes falling upon a long stick on the ground about a foot away from her hand.

The creature attacked and she rolled, not avoiding him, but bringing herself closer to the stick. As it landed on her and bared its fangs at her neck, she bashed it repeatedly on the side of the head, dazing it, but not hurting it, really.

It sat up, still straddling her and went for another bite, but impaling itself on the stick she had quickly moved to her chest.

It exploded into a thick grey dust, and she inhaled a large amount of it. She turned to her side and vomited, tasting the creature's ash on her tongue had sent her off the edge, and she cried about her ordeal. She made her way home, and washed her face in the outside sink, while dusting off her clothes. She tried to make herself look as presentable as possible in case her mother caught her, and snuck off to bed.

She dreamt, that night, of strange things. A man with an eye patch towering over her. Strange Latin words. A flash of red hair, red lips, and many more of the creatures that had attacked her earlier.

She wept in her sleep, and woke up looking forlorn. She still felt all right inside, not sick but not as good as she had the previous day. She had a small breakfast of orange juice and a piece of toast, and locked the door behind her as she left the house, and slipped in a puddle at the bottom of the porch steps.

"Oof!" she cried out as she hit the ground. Suddenly a man stood above her, an eye patch covering his left eye. He smiled goofily as he asked if she was okay. When she nodded, he helped her up and she noticed that they were not alone. Apart from eye-patch, there was a tall man with greying hair, a red-head woman who was shorter that Tina, and a similarly short doe-eyed woman with dark curly hair and red lips.

Tina looked around at all the people, and wondered what she had gotten herself into. The greying man stepped up to her and shook her hand,

"Rupert Giles. You can just call me Giles, if you'd like," He glanced around at his 'team', "Everyone else does."

Eye-patch was Alexander "Xander" Harris. Red was Willow Rosenberg. And the coal-eyed beauty was just Faith. She never gave a last name, and no one else supplied it for her.

"Um, I'm Tina. Tina Cohen-Chang," she said, wondering what this group of people wanted from her. She thought they looked rather harmless, but you couldn't judge a book by its cover.

"I suppose you're wondering what we're here for?" Giles asked, his English accent pleasing to her ears. She nodded.

"You're a slayer."


	2. Chapter 2

"You're a slayer."

"I'm a- a what?" she stared at the weirdos in front of her. What were they on about? "Like-like the band?" she said, utterly confused. Faith uttered a few low words to Giles and he smiled tightly, clearly not as comfortable with her as he was with the rest. Maybe she was new?

"No, not the band," said Xander from beside her, the sound of his voice making her jump. The air around him was ever-comical, but she couldn't help but believe them in thinking that this whole situation was serious.

Giles stepped up and stooped a little to look her in the eyes.

"Into every generation she is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the Slayer." Tina blinked. They'd really put a lot of thought into this, and all she could think was 'what the fuck?'

They all stared at her for a few moments as she patiently stared back, hoping that once they'd realised she wasn't the person they were looking for, that they'd politely apologise and leave.

"So," Xander began, watching the eyes of Giles and Willow as he spoke, "Have you been feeling…" he thought for a moment, carefully pondering his next word, "powerful, lately? Like nothing could stop you?" Her eyes widened in recognition and he knew he'd hit the right spot this time.

"I- It started yesterday," she said slowly, wondering if these people would think her strange if she retold the previous night's events. "I collapsed in glee rehearsals, and then after a minute, I felt wonderful. " she looked at Xander. "_Unstoppable._"

They urged her on when she stopped, and she decided that she might as well tell them about the night before.

"I felt great for the rest of the day, and then I went to my boyfriend's house, and felt great there. I felt great walking home, until some big… _guy …_ came out of nowhere and jumped me. I stabbed him with a big stick and he exploded." She finished lamely. She watched their reactions, waiting for them to either point and laugh or run in the other direction.

Faith started a round of applause that surprised the other, but they joined in nonetheless. Giles' claps were conserved and she thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes. He looked wounded.

"That was a vampire, Tina." He said solemnly. What? A vampire? She seriously had to get out of there.

"So, I should be getting to school!" Tina said, glancing her eyes down at her watch.

"But, we have so much to tell you!" Giles said, looking worried. "You can't be unprepared for something like this, Tina!" he had to yell at this point, as she was already halfway down her driveway.

"Okay, so prepare me!" She yelled. "But do it after school!" she ran off, presumably in the direction of her school, and the assorted member's of the Scooby gang shared a look.

"Remind you of anyone?" said Faith.

Mr Schue had started Glee club that morning without Tina. Even though he was worried, he figured that she was probably resting from her ordeal the day before. Besides, the Glee Club had sectionals to prepare for all over again, a feat that none of the Gleeks were looking forward to doing.

"Okay guys!" he said with muster, hoping to lift the glee club's spirits all on his own. "I've been trying to work out a theme that we could work with this week. Any ideas?"

When no one answered, even Rachel, he was surprised. _They must be really down if they aren't even arguing for arguing's sake, _he thought.

"Alright, um," he stopped and thought, a name popping into his head, "what about J-"

"No, Mr Schue! No more Journey!" cried Tina as she strolled through the door. She carried a smirk that he returned.

"Have you got any ideas, Tina?" he said, the rest of the Glee club lightening up as she entered the room, and rushing to hug her.

"Um," she said from somewhere underneath Sam and Mercedes, "Whose hand is that?"

"Mine, sorry!"

"Britt-Britt, why isn't your hand on _my_ ass?" Santana asked.

"My hand isn't on her _ass_."

"Like I care where your hand _actually _is, I want it on my ass!"

This bantering left the whole glee club wondering, once again, whether the two girls were serious.

"All right, guys, get off her!" Mr Schue said loudly.

As the glee kids got themselves disentangled, he asked again,

"Tina, do you have any ideas for this week?"

She shrugged.

"I've been listening to Paramore a lot this lately, but I don't know if…"

"Paramore's good!" piped Rachel, her eyes shining at Mr Schue.

"True Rachel, but I don't know if the boys will want to…

"Let the boys pick their own band then, Mr Schue!"

"Or they could do All Time Low or something," said Tina quietly.

The boys all nodded in agreement, and Mr Schue shrugged.

"All right then, we'll separate in to teams, I guess." Kurt made a move for the girls team and Mr Schue stopped him.

"But Mr Schue, I love Paramore! Please?" he pleaded.

"Cool it, Kurt," he said with a chuckle, "I was only going to suggest that you do When it Rains."

"Oh, okay." Kurt said with a smile.

The rest of that day's glee session was basically arguing about the songs that they should do that week. Kurt got to do When it Rains, the whole team would do Monster and Misery Business.

The boys chose Dear Maria Count Me In, I Feel Like Dancin', and Sam and Finn would finish with A Daydream Away.

During glee club, Tina had found it easy to distract herself from her life. She laughed with her friends, kissed Mike, and sang snippets of songs with Rachel and Kurt. But now that she was out on her own, sitting alone in history or English, she couldn't help but let her mind stray to the events of that morning. Giles had said _vampire_ apart from the time Principal Figgins had thought her to be a vampire, she'd never heard of anyone _actually _believing in them. Sure, people had gotten crazy with the Twilight thing, but no one actually believed. Right?

When school was finally over, she made her way home, running from dry spot to dry spot as it was raining. She still got rather wet, and this was intensified when a bus drove past and splashed her, soaking her entirely. She spluttered and ran the rest of the way home, forgetting about her supposed _visitors _that should be arriving after school. She rushed past the kitchen door to take a shower, and heard a throat clear inside. She stopped in her tracks, and listened for other sounds. She almost felt like she could hear low thuddings, so quiet that she could barely hear them past the sounds of the wind and rain, and even her own heartbeat.

"Tina?" an English accented voice said carefully. Giles. He must have realised that he'd scared her. She backtracked so that she was standing in the doorway.

"How did you get inside?" she demanded, hoping that her mother hadn't gotten home while these guys were here.

"Your mother is still at work, your sister at a friend's. Erica, I believe." This voice belonged to the red-head, Willow, and this was the first time that Tina had heard her speak other words than that of her own name.

"I'm- how-?" had Willow just read her mind?  
>"Yeah, I just read your mind. Pretty freaky, huh?" she said, eyebrows waggling. Tina tried to wrap her head around this.<p>

_I can also project my thoughts into your brain. _Tina jumped. _Ooh, sorry. It always freaks people out at first. _

Tina sat with the four people for the next four hours, listening to what they had to say. They mentioned a few people that they knew, Buffy, her sister Dawn, and someone named Spike, who they had somehow just been told was still alive. Apparently there was a lot of strange turmoil going on in the world of these guys.  
>Usually there is supposed to be one slayer, but then when Buffy died and was resuscitated, another was called (Kendra) and then she died, and Faith was called. Eventually, the rest of the "potential" slayers were turned, though some were delayed, and now there were hundreds of slayers, maybe even thousands. And Tina was one of them. Willow had searched for her, using her magical witchy powers.<p>

"There's more you need to know about vampires," Giles said. "All vampires are evil –" Willow cleared her throat "- most vampires are evil."

"_Most? _How will I know which ones not to kill?" Tina was beginning to fret. This was a lot of information to take in, and even though it was easy to tell a vampire from a human (scrunchy forehead, big fangs, and a bad temper) she didn't know how he was going to keep up with the differences between good and bad vampires.

"Just kill all of 'em," Faith said with a wink, "chances are, we'll be there to stop you. Or they'll stop you. Either way, you'll probably be five by five." Tina smiled and nodded, hoping that five by five meant fine and not dead.

"There are only two vampires with souls," Xander said, looking almost angry. "Spike and Angel. Spike's a peroxide blonde, kinda looks like Billy Idol," he rolled his eyes, "and Angel's got this hugely overhanging forehead, looks like a mixture between a caveman and one of those Easter island heads." He said this last sentence with malice. Tina couldn't help but think that Xander hated both vampires, souls or not.

"When both vampires were without souls, they were the worst vampires ever, Angel especially," Giles explained, "He killed many, _many _people. He tortured and sired another vampire, Drusilla, who was quite mad. She then sired Spike, who went on to kill two slayers. They are two of _the _most dangerous vampires that ever existed."

"But they've got souls now!" Willow piped up, "They're only dangerous to bad things!"

"Angel can't even have sex," said Xander with a scoff, "If he gets to the point of perfect happiness, he'll lose his soul, making him a killing machine." His expression told Tina that it was this series of events that made Xander hate Angel. The reason he hated Spike was still to be determined.

"Will I have to meet these guys?" Tina looked almost frightened.

"Angel and his team will arrive next week, most likely. Buffy, and hers, tomorrow."

"What? Everyone's coming? Why?"

"Well, its simple. L-"

"Geez, G, enough with the theatrics!" Faith interrupted. "Lima's on a Hellmouth, just like good ol' SunnyD. And we all know what happened there!"


End file.
